Hard… very very hard for me…

Yesterday, I decided to do some self-love by making myself breakfast and reading a book for fun. Turns out that was the only time yesterday the baby decided to nap so I got nothing else done and I felt super guilty about it. I need to condense my self-love to 2 minute increments I suppose… that’s depressing.

While being present in the moment today, I broke down in tears. Some of it I can attribute to hormones, but I was mostly just overwhelmed with how much I have to do and fears that it won’t happen. Have I lost the ability to quiet my mind? Taking deep breaths makes me cry now. In all those books I’ve read about meditation and mindfulness, they would always mention that “some people” are not calmed by bringing their awareness to their breath. I felt sorry for those people- because I had taken so much comfort in the practice. I’m one of those people now, I guess.

Semi-related… I took a pregnancy test today because I haven’t gotten my period for a long time- at least a month. It was negative. Which is great. I had torturous thoughts though of what I would do/feel if I was pregnant again right now and it frightened me.

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