While we were out on a walk today, I saw a police car drive past and noticed a ridiculous thought had popped into my mind. I decided to tell my husband that thought just so he could hear how ridiculous it was too. I saw that police car and thought “Oh no… they’re going to see that I have a baby and take him away from me because I’m obviously not qualified to take care of him.” He agreed that it was ridiculous. And it was indicative of the kind of weirdo thinking that is going on in my brain and causing this anxiety, fear and depression.
I’m currently reading This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression by Karen R. Kleiman and Valerie Davis Raskin. It’s been really helpful- especially at helping me recognize and evaluate the wacko thought processes and put my emotions into perspective. I feel like I have more control over myself. Saying that thought out loud totally took away all of its power. And then my husband told me I looked cute in my “young mom” outfit which was nice.
I was also outside on a walk with my new baby for the first time ever. And it was before noon. I saw three police cars total and none of them seemed worried enough about me taking care of a baby to stop. So… this is winning today.