I have a wonderful friend who was kind enough to throw me a beautiful shower on Sunday. It was a gorgeous day in my favorite park in Los Angeles. My husband and I were reminded once again of how many sweet, caring and generous friends we have.

We went to our doctor’s appointment the next day, excited that we were going to see pictures of our little baby. They told us the baby was too little though. They told me to do nothing but lie down on my left side for ten days. Then I should come back in and they’d re-evaluate and determine 1. whether the baby will be okay staying inside me another two weeks or 2. if they should take the baby out of me. I felt like my mind had been cracked wide open. I felt like my entire womanhood was being called into question. How dare they suggest that their instruments could take better care of my baby than I could?

We’ve been reassured by several medical professionals since this visit that my pregnancy may end up completely normal. We’ve also been reassured that our baby will most likely be perfectly fine regardless of when and how he gets out of me.

I can’t help feeling guilty. Or worried. Or angry. They told me that my circulation to the baby has been sub-par throughout my pregnancy… that my placenta has always been smaller than normal… I don’t know why they withheld this information until now. They’ve told me, with every visit, that everything was normal and fine and I had nothing to worry about. For some reason, I’m all of the sudden a “high-risk” pregnancy. I feel cheated… and sad… I really just hope with everything I have that they’re being overly cautious and that my sweet baby will grow enough to convince them to let him stay as long as he wants.

Please send me your grow-baby vibes. I need them.

Advertisements