I’ve been on a journey of letting go of those things which hold me back and I’m noticing shifts in my attitude. Things that used to set me reeling into anxiety do not bother me, or at least do not bother me as much as they used to.
One of my friends posted on Facebook about how she was getting away from the city for a few days specifically to work on a writing project. I thought to myself how envious I was of her that she could do that- not just financially, but personally as well. She has the ovaries to invest in herself and put time into a project that is just for her. I thought to myself “I wish I could do that.” Before I started this journey, that’s where my thought process would have ended. This time, my thoughts kept going, “Well, there is no reason I can’t do that.” While I don’t have the finances to take myself out of town for several days, I’m perfectly capable of making the decision to invest some time in a project just for myself.
A few years ago, I started writing the story of my parting ways with a religion I’d clung to for the better part of fifteen years or so. I have some things to say that could benefit not only people who have left their faith, but things that might benefit church leaders as well. I would like to continue working on this project. I have plenty of reasons not to- that I have other things to do, that it might not make any money for me, that I’ll do all that work and eventually lose interest, that I don’t write enough to be considered a “writer”… Before I started this journey, I let those things stop me. Now, I’ve decided that there are also plenty of reasons why I should continue the project, the most important of which is that it is something that I’d like to do and that it’s been a desire of mine that has not gone away in the years since I started writing.
I may only have one ovary, but judging from my current state (now almost 7 months pregnant), it’s strong and mighty enough to stand up to the naysayers in my head.